Valentines

So I’ve spent quite a few Valentines days alone, even when I wasn’t single.  It can be a depressing time of year, so I tried looking up activities for the single folk on this dreadful holiday to share with y’all. I found a few lists, but I decided to come up with my own.

1. Get drunk. Alcohol can really help or hurt different situations, so maybe get some counsel from your closest girlfriend to make sure this option is for you. There’s always plenty of single hussies going out on the town on V-Day, so you might as well get drunk and join them!  You never know, you might just meet the love of your life that night. Probably not, but maybe you’ve already mastered activity number two and got a great outfit that should be seen. Remember, red is the color men find the most sexy!
2. Go shopping. Retail therapy is a proven solution to depression. It’s my favorite way to put myself in a better mood, so why not spoil yourself on the good ole Saint Valentine’s Day! It doesn’t have to be clothing, you could purchase yourself new bedding and be happy as shit to come home and curl up with a new body pillow while you catch up on all the past Vikings episodes. It’s worth all the blood and gore to get a glimpse of those hotties!! Travis Fimmel for instance, wow! Maybe you have a hard time spending money....refer to number one and get a lil drunk first, works every time. 
3. Prank phone calls. My good friend Mariah has peaked my love for pranking people once again, and I just can’t get enough. This is a great follow up activity to number 1….alcohol, or whatever, will definitely enhance the quality and topics of your phone calls.
4. Tinder it up! There’s plenty of single horn dogs on Tinder, I’ve seen them, and they’re always happy to meet up. Maybe you’re not into the one night stand, but at least you could check out a movie together, or return to activity number 1 together. When in doubt, get drunk!
5. Send out some dicks with Ship-a-dick! If you haven’t already checked out this phenomenon of sending your friends and family a 29 inch holiday specialized dick, it is time. How better to get over that dick then to send him a message of a dick. If you’re feeling bad about doing this….get drunk. Liquid courage usually turns the sweetest person into the biggest dick, thus giving you the balls to ship some dicks!!
6. Work. That's what I'm doin. 

Remember all you lovers out there…..when you fear the worst, safety first! Have a happy and safe Valentine’s Day!

Good Talk!

Sex tips that scientists say actually work

Sex tips scientists say actually work

Photo Credit: weheartit.com

Have you got a headache?  Well according to some extremely smart scientists having an orgasm helps to cure a headache.  Sorry ladies I guess we can't use the "I've got a headache" excuse anymore.  

The scent combination of pumpkin and lavender increases blood flow to the penis by 40%.   BOING!!

If you are looking for a manly man well then make sure the next guy you date likes spicy foods.  A study done in France suggests that a man who likes spicy foods has a higher level of testosterone.

Men find women who wear red sexier.  If you are going out on the prowl seeking a special someone to share your bed with, well bust out that red sexy top or dress or whatever you have in the closet. 60% of the time it works every time.

Both men and women have kegel muscles.  Don't forget to add some clenching of the kegels into your exercise routine.  Admit it, you're doing it right now.

Scientists in the Netherlands found out that wearing socks highly increases your chances of having an explosive orgasm.  Yea, it's not the sexiest thing but neither is having to fake an orgasm.  Am I right?

Calling all dudes.  The next time you decide to go down to funky town and have a munch put an altoid in your mouth.  The cold sensation will drive her wild. 

Thanks cracked.com for those legit suggestions.  

Now check out the show.  Thanks.  Enjoy!

Smokin Poop

As you should know by now poop wins every time, and on the show this week Lex found an article about this dirty guy, whom resembles something out of Planet of the Apes, that’s been smoking poop for quite some time for the health benefits. That’s right we’re talking about smoking poop now. According to Wikipedia there’s a form of this called jenkem, that is an inhalant and purported hallucinogen created from fermented human waste. So, poop. Back in the 90’s it was a popular drug in the Republic of Zambia, a country in the middle of South Africa, that derived from genkem, or the glue that you huff to get high. Then that shit, literally, made it’s way to the US around 2007, but all that media was said to be based on a hoax. Basically translating into the fact that no one wants ownership of that rumor. However there are people that have “done" jenkem and possibly still do. Now they’re not grabbing poo out of the back yard, or off their clients expensive Persian rug all steaming hot. They’re scraping it, along with whatever else you put down your porcelain god, out of the sewage pipes. Once collected in a bag, or a bottle it’s sealed and stored for a week or so to ferment. You know that we know fermented food is good for you, but not so sure about fermented second hand processed through the body food. That sounds gnarly, like “you don’t want no part of this” gnarly.

The high last for about an hour and is a combination of hearing shit and seeing shit. Probably because you just huffed shit! One guy said it was better than weed. Yeah, we're gonna have to disagree with that guy! Another person said it makes them see dead people and forget about their problems. Those problems are still there buddy, and they should probably be addressed. Soon. Then there's the curious anesthesiologist specialist out of Boston that tested this form of gas on some lab rats, not sewer rats because they are obviously not phased by it. He came to the conclusion that jenkem has the same effect on your body as choking or holding your breath and can result in hypoxia; a lack of oxygen flow to the body that could be alternately euphoric and physically dangerous. So, even though Cheech & Chong made it look cool….refrain.

You can look like shit, feel like shit, be so full of shit that your eyes are brown, but please people don’t don’t fall into peer pressure! Otherwise you’ll just be dumb as shit! On that note, here’s the Urban Dictionary’s definition of smoking poop;

to get high by doing drugs

He's all shit faced he must have been smoking poop.

Well said. If you haven’t heard the show this week where we discuss this topic along with the lady with three boobs and the Chinese breast feeding ring, just click play below. Always remember that sharing is caring, thank you for your support and good talk!